That was a text message (except the NOT part) that I received over the weekend from someone I’m barely doing business with. On the surface this sounds exciting however, for the single mom that’s been through a lot of very bad relationships, it definitely sounds a little, well, how do I put this . . . . . . DESPERATE!
You can’t really judge the fellow or the situation without hearing how the entire conversation began. He does photography for me and I had just published one of his photographs. What really astounded me was that his opening line was “Are you single?” which I answered, “Yes!” (I do run Dallas Single Mom, so yes there is a possibility that I am single) So he then quickly replied, “Let’s get together!” Which I replied, “WHAT!”
Why this approach didn’t work for him and why it won’t work for you?
It sounds desperate. It’s the equivalent of “Are you a mom?” Well you should wear this t-shirt that says World’s Greatest Mom on it except that the t-shirt is 2 sizes too small. It just doesn’t fit. Just because two people are single doesn’t mean that it’s an automatic invitation to go out on a date.
I screen my dates very carefully which I probably should have done before I contracted out for a photographer. However, in the middle of our text messaging I responded politely that I was not interested in dating or a relationship but basically thanks, but no thanks. From there came the “Penis Pressure.”
What is Penis Pressure?
It’s the masculine urge to refuse to take no for an answer. It’s one of society’s ills. After you have already responded no, men will continue to try to pressure you to change your answer. None of their tactics work and usually they will follow with desperate anxiety and cling to uninformed an ill prepared tactics. They will use the following:
1) Guilt: so he tried to explain about his past relationships and how he matured now and so he’s ready for a relationship. All this did was further alienate me into realizing this probably is not an individual I want to date. Talking about your drama to someone you barely know in order to get sympathy from them and you haven’t even met is not a good way to win friends and influence people.
2) Flattery: I like what you are doing. (like what?) Does he mean running a business, taking care of my children and doing it all on my own? Yes, that is my duty as a mother and a parent. Yet he has no clue about my website or blog and didn’t even bother to read it at all. If I could just give a hint to one man out there (namely the guy of my dream filled reality) that would actually take the time to read my blog and compliment my writing then I would actually consider a conversation with you.
3) Exaggerated promises: Lastly, I guess when he felt like he was getting nowhere, he said that he would (and I quote) “Rock My World!” So yes, he’s pretty much a douchebag but instead of hurting his feelings, I politely told him to have a good night.
I cannot stress the importance of preparation and confidence. The more prepared you are, the more confident you will get. Fellas, please don’t be that guy that random text messages women with an ill formed game plan and basically no game.
Here are some things that I would like for a man to do in order to impress me
1) Compliment me or my work
2) Take the time to do your homework. Effort. Take the time to learn about my work and bring up a conversation with me about it
3) Ask me questions with regards to my expertise that could also help you
4) Compliment me and be sincere
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